are you still at the devil's house?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize