I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
