I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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