you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
