yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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