Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
