Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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