he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am available for nakedness
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
