either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
