Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize