moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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