We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
