I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
