Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
