I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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