we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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