She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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