Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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