hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
