So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
