Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
