Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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