When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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