I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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