I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Are we still banned from the library?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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