I feel great
I just peed on a car
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
