I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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