I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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