took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
