she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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