I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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