Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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