Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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