U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize