let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize