Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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