she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
