cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize