I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
as a side note pls kill me
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