its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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