She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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