You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
