operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
