If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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