I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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