was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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