Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
