My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
