Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
being pregnant is like rehab
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
