Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
