I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
