get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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