I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
