You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
