he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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