I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
