I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
