Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hello my rib-scented angel!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I need to align my fucking chakras
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize