So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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