It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
