When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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