Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
