At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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