I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
