i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo