There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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