If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.