just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have demons in me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.