I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.