Whod you bang
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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